bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize