You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
