We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize