A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
