people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
