I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
