i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
