wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
babies were throwing up all over the place
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
vagina is talking i cant
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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