It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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