i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
