i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
