that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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