i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
