When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
