He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
