Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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