and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
