the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
time to smoke my breakfast
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize