This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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