i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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