John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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