fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
