Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
