Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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