wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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