rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
