you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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