Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
