i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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