I just made out with a guy for $7.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
