don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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