to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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