there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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