So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
