if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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