Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
