I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize