this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
