what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Someone came in the potted fern
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
