I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
