Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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