it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
