i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
