So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
