I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
