In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
