People in love make me want to vomit
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
