i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm like, not good at living.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
