He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
