Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
