READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
