last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
