sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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