She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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