i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize