so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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