Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
