I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
