You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
