yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
