This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
