so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I did not marry a roomba.
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