I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
