I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have tasted many bathrooms
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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