If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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