Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
