I'm lost and stupid without you.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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