apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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