i don't like sucking hair
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
