Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize