Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
