I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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