On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
