I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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