please come you make the beer taste better
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
