it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
