I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
