normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
