last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
