he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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