Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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