you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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