I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
