Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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