i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize