The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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