he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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