OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
