you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
