His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Mom said you looked used
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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