Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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