Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
