I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
