If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So vagazzling was a success
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
