Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
