ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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